|
Post by FB fan on Jun 1, 2011 15:09:26 GMT -6
HEALTH MESSAGE: 1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. 3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. 4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.
|
|
|
Post by FB fan on Jun 1, 2011 15:15:06 GMT -6
An Irish priest recently assigned to a small Texas town arose one morning to go to his front window and get a breath of fresh air. To his surprise there on his lawn was a dead jackass. He called the local police saying, "this is Father Omalley of Saint Mary's Church and I want to report a dead jackass lying on my front lawn." The sergeant on duty, thinking himself quiet a wit replied, " I thought you folks were in charge of last rites." To which the priest replied, "ah yes tis certain true that, but we are still required to notify the next of kin."
|
|
|
Post by CC_Varmints on Jun 2, 2011 9:26:31 GMT -6
New Cowboy Boots...
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas ..
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different
NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
|
|
|
Post by FB fan on Jun 2, 2011 13:51:30 GMT -6
JUNE 1--The U.S. government paid a paltry $2350 to settle a lawsuit brought by a Texas woman who sued the Transportation Security Administration after her breasts were exposed during a vigorous frisking at a Texas airport, records show.
In response to a Freedom of Information Act request, the Department of Justice released a copy of the settlement agreement reached earlier this year with Lynsie Murley, the 24-year-old Amarillo woman who sued the TSA for negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress in connection with the May 2008 incident at the Corpus Christi airport.
The eight-page agreement notes that the settlement does not constitute an admission by government officials of any “liability, fault or wrongdoing.” It also stipulates that legal fees paid to Murley’s lawyers were not to exceed 25 percent of the settlement amount (or $587.50).
Murley, pictured above, charged in her lawsuit that she was “singled out for extended search procedures,” and that a TSA agent frisked her and “pulled Plaintiff’s blouse completely down, exposing Plaintiff’s breasts to everyone in the area.”
TSA employees, Murley added, “joked and laughed about the incident for an extended period of time.” After leaving the security line to be “consoled by an acquaintance who had brought her to the airport,” Murley returned to the line, where a male TSA worker said that he had wished he was there when she first passed through. The employee, Murley recalled, added that “he would just have to watch the video.” The incident left Murley “extremely embarrassed and humiliated,” according to her complaint.
In January, when U.S. District Court filings revealed that a settlement had been reached, TSG requested a copy of the document memorializing the deal as well as the amount of money being paid to Murley.
However, Kathy Colvin, a spokesperson for the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the Northern District of Texas, refused to provide the agreement or any details about the settlement. The settlement was subsequently provided to TSG in response to a FOIA request filed with the Justice Department’s Executive Office for United States Attorneys.
|
|
|
Post by gpjohn on Jun 7, 2011 8:46:40 GMT -6
I don't know if this is 100% accurate, but sounds reasonable.
Okay, here's the bombshell. The volcanic eruption in Iceland, since its first spewing of volcanic ash has, in just FOUR DAYS, NEGATED EVERY SINGLE EFFORT you have made in the past five years to control CO2 emissions on our planet – all of you. Of course you know about this evil carbon dioxide that we are trying to suppress – it’s that vital chemical compound that every plant requires to live and grow, and to synthesize into oxygen for us humans, and all animal life. I know, it's very disheartening to realize that all of the carbon emission savings you have accomplished while suffering the inconvenience and expense of: driving Prius hybrids, buying fabric grocery bags, sitting up till midnight to finish your kid's "The Green Revolution" science project, throwing out all of your non-green cleaning supplies, using only two squares of toilet paper, putting a brick in your toilet tank reservoir, selling your SUV and speedboat, vacationing at home instead of abroad, nearly getting hit every day on your bicycle, replacing all of your 50 cents light bulbs with $10.00 light bulbs...well, all of those things you have done have all gone down the tubes in just four days. The volcanic ash emitted into the Earth's atmosphere in just four days - yes - FOUR DAYS ONLY by that volcano in Iceland, has totally erased every single effort you have made to reduce the evil beast, carbon. And there are around 200 active volcanoes on the planet spewing out this crud any one time - EVERY DAY. I don't really want to rain on your parade too much, but I should mention that when the volcano Mt Pinatubo erupted in the Philippines in 1991, it spewed out more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere than the entire human race had emitted in its entire YEARS on earth. Yes folks, Mt Pinatubo was active for over one year – think about it. Of course I shouldn't spoil this touchy-feely tree-hugging moment and mention the effect of solar and cosmic activity and the well-recognized 800-year global heating and cooling cycle, which keep happening, despite our completely insignificant efforts to affect climate change. And I do wish I had a silver lining to this volcanic ash cloud but the fact of the matter is that the brush fire season across the western USA and Australia this year alone will negate your efforts to reduce carbon in our world for the next two to three years. And it happens every year. Just remember that your government just tried to impose a whopping new carbon tax on you on the basis of the bogus “human-caused” climate change scenario. Hey, isn’t it interesting how they don’t mention “Global Warming” any more, but just “Climate Change” - you know why? It’s because the planet has COOLED by 0.7 degrees in the past century and these global warming bull artists got caught with their pants down. And just keep in mind that you might yet have an Emissions Trading Scheme – that whopping new tax – imposed on you, that will achieve absolutely nothing except make you poorer. It won’t stop any volcanoes from erupting, that’s for sure. But hey, relax, give the world a hug and have a nice day! PS: I wonder if Iceland is buying carbon offsets?
|
|
|
Post by FB fan on Jun 7, 2011 8:50:36 GMT -6
GPJ you know what the reply will be. But if they hadn't sacrificed their soul to the green goddess of recycling etc it would be twice what the volcano spewed out unless a cow farts then it will be much much worse.
|
|
|
Post by gpjohn on Jun 7, 2011 8:58:00 GMT -6
GPJ you know what the reply will be. But if they hadn't sacrificed their soul to the green goddess of recycling etc it would be twice what the volcano spewed out unless a cow farts then it will be much much worse. Dont talk about cows farting . Its more than I can handle.
|
|
|
Post by FB fan on Jun 7, 2011 9:02:09 GMT -6
GPJ you know what the reply will be. But if they hadn't sacrificed their soul to the green goddess of recycling etc it would be twice what the volcano spewed out unless a cow farts then it will be much much worse. Dont talk about cows farting . Its more than I can handle. Lemme tell you a little story. Back, way back, when I was a cub scout we got volunteered for a little public service to clean up after a little carnival. Well they had a couple of elephants. Cows are childs play.
|
|
|
Post by CC_Varmints on Jun 7, 2011 9:03:31 GMT -6
Hooters Girl Barstool Beer Trick
|
|
|
Post by CC_Varmints on Jun 7, 2011 9:05:10 GMT -6
GPJ you know what the reply will be. But if they hadn't sacrificed their soul to the green goddess of recycling etc it would be twice what the volcano spewed out unless a cow farts then it will be much much worse. Dont talk about cows farting . Its more than I can handle. It is a known fact that stockyards are the biggest polluter of greenhouse gases on Earth. Now you can't get more natural than what the cows are doing, but natural is not necessarily good for the planet Earth.
|
|
|
Post by FB fan on Jun 7, 2011 9:19:24 GMT -6
Dont talk about cows farting . Its more than I can handle. It is a known fact that stockyards are the biggest polluter of greenhouse gases on Earth. Now you can't get more natural than what the cows are doing, but natural is not necessarily good for the planet Earth. SO, now we know what killed the dinosaurs. Farts. Who would of thunk it.
|
|
|
Post by Clemensbuff on Jun 7, 2011 14:43:23 GMT -6
Hooters Girl Barstool Beer Trick Now that my friend is talent.......pure, natural.......... TALENT
|
|
|
Post by Clemensbuff on Jun 8, 2011 7:42:38 GMT -6
Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.......... I wanna know?
Why does 711 have locks on their doors if they are open 24/7/365..... I wanna know?
If a cat always lands on it's feet and butter bread always lands butter side down........What happens if you stick a piece of butter bread on a cats back butter side up and throw that cat off a 10 story building..................... I wann know?
Disclaimer........................................no animals were injured during this thought process and please................nobody try this at home!!!!!!!!!! LMAO
|
|
|
Post by gpjohn on Jun 8, 2011 7:55:40 GMT -6
I wanna know....
Why do they have braille on the drive up ATM machine?
Why do you have to have a license to get married, but anybody can have a kid?
Why would anybody choose to live in Oklahoma?
|
|
|
Post by Clemensbuff on Jun 8, 2011 8:21:58 GMT -6
I wanna know.... Why do they have braille on the drive up ATM machine? Why do you have to have a license to get married, but anybody can have a kid? Why would anybody choose to live in Oklahoma? ;D
|
|